OceanGate, The Gilded Age, and the Poop Cruise
There is so much television right now, and thank God.
There is so much insanely good/bad television (and by television, I mean streaming shows) right now that I am overwhelmed with thoughts and opinions and delight at the costumes on HBO’s Gilded Age alone. Let’s get through the garbage television first, and then I need to process what is happening on the Gilded Age.
F***ing finally, we’re getting the OceanGate documentaries I’ve been waiting years for. There are two out right now, I’ve watched both, and if you’re going to pick one, pick the Discovery Channel one which is on HBO/MAX/WHATEVER. I didn’t realize that Stockton Rush, doomed OceanGate CEO, comes from San Francisco high society, and his wife’s great grandparents died on Titanic. You know in the movie when the ship is sinking and the old couple are holding each other on the bed, preparing to die together? That’s Mrs. Rush’s grandparents. Here’s what I don’t get about the submersible: you sink down in the pitch dark for 6 hours to peek out of a tiny window to see the wreckage of the Titanic that there’s already tons of footage of. All sorts of underwater cameras have beautifully captured the wreckage in all its tragic glory. Why sit criss-cross applesauce for a full day just to peek at a less clear version and then implode? It seems so unnecessary? You wanna watch a documentary about finding a cool shipwreck? Watch Endurance on Hulu. It’s excellent.
Trainwreck: Poop Cruise on Netflix is as delightful as its title. Basically, a three day cruise out of Galveston, Texas (red flag number one, right there) became a six-day nightmare because the ship lost all power and ability to 1. move and 2. operate. So there was no air conditioning, no food, and yes… poop. I’m just delighted that a bunch of Netflix executives sat around a conference table and were like, “Can we really call this Trainwreck: Poop Cruise”? And they all agreed. Some things ARE going right in America.
Okay, we need to talk about the Gilded Age. If you are not watching, stop everything you are doing and begin with S1E1. I have just finished S3E3, like the well-bred, full-bustled gal I am and there is so, so, so much to unpack.
Gladys needs to just marry the Duke. What Bertha wants, Bertha gets. I will not stand for Bertha to plan the “wedding of the century” and have Gladys leave Hector at the altar. But answer me this: is the Duke real royalty? Is he a lesser prince (ie: Edward), or is he just high-level British aristocracy? Because all of New York society is acting like marrying the Duke will turn Gladys into Kate Middleton, and I need to know exactly where he is in line to the throne, if at all. He’s certainly better than that wimpy Billy Carelton. And obviously, let’s just let Marion and Larry be together and have one thing go smoothly, please.
I do not care about the alarm clock. Enough.
Phylicia Rashad as arrived! And she is a villain! I really want Peggy to hook up with the flirty doctor, but I am also fascinated by the dynamic between their two families and the complexities of Black high society. Obviously, the NYT has a really good article about it.
Aurora has to get a divorce and move to Newport (I’d be delighted) and Aunt Agnes doesn’t think she can invite HER OWN COUSIN to parties any more because she’s divorced. Amazing. Agnes doesn’t have two nickels to rub together anymore (Thank you, Oscar), much less a husband, but Aurora can’t come over because it’ll be “couples.” Ridiculous.
How excited are we for the psychic to connect Aunt Ada with Neil from Dead Poets Society? Yes, Julian Fellowes, bring on the Ouija.
And the costumes, people, the costumes. I cannot tell you how often I watch and pause to just appreciate the layers, the draping, the amount of fabric. Fun fact about me: I went to college for fashion design and wanted to be a period costume designer (a dream long gone) so this show is scratching all of my itches. In the Julian Fellowes oeuvre, Downton Abbey is a better show (speaking exclusively of Seasons 1-4) but the Gilded Age has better costumes.
With that, my fellow streamers, I leave you to your tea sandwiches and embroidered handkerchiefs. Oh! And in related (?) news, Season 2 of the Golden Bachelor had to be recast because 66-year old bachelor and former NFL player Mel said he wouldn’t date anyone over 60. So the season has been pushed back to the fall because Mel is an asshole. And there you have it.