Kody's Pecs and Kody's Abs
"No he did not." Oh yes. Yes he did.
If you watched this week’s Sister Wives, your laptop or television is no doubt broken. Maybe you threw it out a window? Tossed it against a wall? Jumped up and down on that poor Samsung until it lay shattered on the floor like so many of Kody Brown’s familial relationships? Any, perhaps all, of these scenarios are possible. And it’s all because Kody couldn’t help but say that he thinks Janelle just wants him for his sexy, sexy body.
“So Janelle’s not in love with me. I think she thinks I’m hot. I got nice pecs, great six-pack abs—but that’s all she’s interested in.” - Kody Brown, with a straight face.
“Whoa, buddy. You’re way missing the boat here.” - Janelle Brown, ignoring what may have been an opportunity for justifiable homicide.
I watched this “I’m too sexy for this plural marriage” section several times trying to discern if Kody was making is first self-deprecating joke. Based upon my expertise of having read several books on FBI serial killer profilers, I can deduce that Kody was, in face, quite serious. He went so far as to emphasize the word “great” when describing his great six-pack abs. If the happiness of so many innocents wasn’t at stake, Kody Brown would be a fascinating case study in narcissistic personality disorder. And apparently physical fitness.
Kody then went on to say that the reason he failed to contact several of his kids over the holidays is because he’s broken up with their mothers. Convenience, proximity, etc. Also, phones work both ways. And don’t forget Covid. Kody is the literal devil.
He then suggests plural monogamy, which is different than plural marriage in that… I guess you don’t have to be sister wives with the other wife. The plural monogamy husband has one family over here in this house, and a totally separate one over here in that house, and never the twain shall meet. Usually these types are scenarios were exposed on episodes of Unsolved Mysteries in the 1990s but I am riveted to this conversation. We are watching Kody truly spiral, folks: pecs, great abs, and all.
We leave this pair’s discussion with Janelle saying that she’d like to remain separated. Kody is incredulous and begins desperately trying to talk her into staying. Says Janelle, “It is wild, the disconnect here!” Amen, sister (wife.)
In other news, Christine is seeing a matchmaker and wants to date a guy with tattoos and a motorcycle. And Meri is moving her ponzi scheme to a B&B in Utah run by her surprisingly funny bestie.
Question for longtime SW viewers: Kody mentioned that Janelle will never forgive Meri. For what?!?! Please explain.
With that, I leave you with your nightmares of Kody and his ringlet bangs whipping your face while he compliments his own body parts. Until next time, my sister spouses, may all of your abs be great and all of your commercial breaks be brief.